Networking on Your Terms (AAPI Edition)

May 7, 2025
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Happy AAPI Heritage Month!

My name is Jillian and I’m a DFW LPC-A (supervised by Ryan Eberst, LPC-S) passionate about helping others find their voice and using my platform to advocate for AAPI mental health.

Here’s some more information to connect with me:

You walk into a room full of folks in business attire chatting it up and suddenly, you’re overcome with feelings of dread, nervousness, and the urge to disappear into the potted plant in the corner.

Does this sound familiar? You’re not alone. Many AAPI professionals–especially those raised in cultures that value humility–feel like networking events are a special kind of torture.

But here’s the secret: You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room or make contact with everybody there to create meaningful connections. Actually, your active listening, thoughtful questions, and genuine curiosity can be your superpowers!

The Cultural Roots of Introversion

Many AAPI cultures have held centuries-rooted values of compliance, harmony within the community, and respect for authority. Growing up in this value system—where listening is prized over speaking, and group needs outweigh individual expression—has been found to nurture introverted traits.

Introversion, defined as gaining energy from solitude and preferring deep, low-stimulation interactions (as opposed to extroversion’s reliance on social engagement for energy), often aligns with these cultural priorities. This doesn’t mean AAPI individuals can’t be extroverted, but rather that cultural frameworks may reinforce reflective communication styles.

This creates a unique tension for Asian-American professionals: the quiet confidence cultivated through cultural upbringing may be misinterpreted as disengagement or a lack of leadership potential in Western workplaces, where extroverted traits like vocal assertiveness are often disproportionately rewarded. This mismatch may also lead to:

  • Anxiety about networking events.
  • Feeling inauthentic when advocating for themselves.
  • Missing opportunities due to discomfort with traditional networking.

Reframing Networking for AAPI Professionals

Networking doesn’t have to be small talk over cocktails at crowded mixers—especially for AAPI professionals whose cultural strengths can lean toward depth over volume. Reframe it as cultivating authentic connections! Here are some tangible strategies for doing just that:

  • Mentality shift: It’s not about collecting business cards; it’s about finding your people. Focus on 2–3 meaningful conversations per event (quality > quantity).
  • Do some prep work: Research attendees/speakers (LinkedIn, event page) and prepare open-ended questions:
    • “What’s a project you’re excited about?”
    • “How does your work align with your values right now?”
  • Control the environment: Arrive early to avoid walking into a loud crowd. Position yourself near food tables or exits (easier to join/leave conversations).
  • Escape kindly: Ways to exit conversations if you need a break:
    • “I need to grab some water–it was great talking with you!”
    • “I promised myself I’d meet [speaker], but let’s connect later!”
    • “I see my co-worker just got here! I’m gonna say ‘hi’ to them real quick.”
  • Suggest 1:1 follow-ups: If you enjoy a snippet conversation with someone, ask if they’d like to grab coffee to create a deeper connection! Or just opt for 1:1 coffee chats if bigger events aren’t your vibe.
  • Check in with yourself:
    • Perhaps you feel drained during in-person interactions. Ask, “What’s my emotional capacity right now?” If the answer is “low,” honor that.
    • Give yourself permission to leave early, take breaks, or skip small talk.
    • Recharge intentionally: reconnect with yourself over tea, a walk, or just lounging on your sofa.
  • Try written communication or online communities: If you’d rather just not, try writing LinkedIn comments, emails, or blogs. There may also be Slack/Discord groups in your industry that you could engage with at your own pace.

Networking may never feel like second nature—and that’s okay. As an AAPI professional, your strengths—active listening, thoughtful preparation, and depth of connection—are already valuable currencies in building relationships.

The key isn’t to reject networking, but to reinvent it on your terms: fewer forced smiles, more authentic exchanges, less small talk, more substance.

So next time you’re tempted to vanish into the potted plant, remember: the professional world needs you! Now go forth—coffee chat by coffee chat, LinkedIn comment by LinkedIn comment—and connect in ways that honor who you are.

Resources on AAPI Mental Health, Introversion, and Networking

📚 Books

  • Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking — Susan Cain
    Explores how introverts thrive, with research on cultural biases.
  • Permission to Come Home — Dr. Jenny Wang
    Focuses on AAPI mental health and reclaiming cultural strengths.
  • Minor Feelings: An Asian-American Reckoning — Cathy Park Hong
    Explores emotional labor of being Asian-American in Western spaces.

🎧 Podcasts

  • Asian Enough (Los Angeles Times)
    Conversations on identity, including workplace struggles.
  • The Joy of Asian Americans (Dr. Jenny Wang)
    Focuses on mental health and cultural resilience.
  • Dear Asian Americans (Jerry Won)
    Career stories and advice from AAPI professionals.
  • Career Slay (Kelly Poquiz Burke)
    Conversations on slaying the fear in career.

📄 Peer-Reviewed Articles

👋 P.S. Happy AAPI Heritage Month!

My name is Jillian and I’m a DFW LPC-A (supervised by Ryan Eberst, LPC-S) passionate about helping others find their voice and using my platform to advocate for AAPI mental health.

Here’s some more information to connect with me:

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